My Mantras.

I carry my mantras with me everywhere I go. I wear them on my bike, on my yoga mat, to work, to dinner, and to do the dishes. They contain just a few words, but to me they are so much more.

                                                  

find your true north                   

The little letters are a gentle nudge to never settle. A reminder to do the work, to strive for more, to be more... Because it is worth it.

LA VIE EST BELLE

Those capital letters boldly announce that right now, in this moment, I am right where I need to be. I am enough, and everything in this life is beautiful. 

  

Two seemingly similar bracelets that carry very different meanings. I find them to be the perfect juxtaposition and reminder of balance. To push, and to surrender. 

Every time I ride my bike I find myself wanting to go faster, be stronger, ride farther, climb higher, because deep down I know that it will be work, but it will be worth it. Funny, I also find those moments of pure bliss where I absolutely lose my cadence, my mph drops, I actually coast because I've stopped thinking about my pedal strokes, I am consumed by the peace and joy from just being outside, and those moments keep me doing it.

It's not just riding. It's the same when I practice yoga- the urge to invert, to learn something new, to tap into a reserve of strength while working to gain grace-- but yet again- getting caught in the magic, moving with other bodies, breathing, being, connecting, and letting go for the pure joy of it. This is life. In work, in relationships, I am always torn between wanting to do more, be more, create, give,  love more, and then sometimes caught off guard, I stop trying. When I simply stop and look, and feel, and most importantly, when I just am-- that's when I am actually in the moment. At that time, I feel the appreciation, the gratitude, the human connection. That is when my life truly is just beautiful. And I realize those are the moments that make the work worthwhile.  

So I wear these two little mantraband bracelets day in and day out. As reminders of who I am, and what I have.  Just two little bracelets. Most often they go unnoticed or unseen, but to me, they mean so much. 

Breaking up is hard to do

Coming from someone who just tonight walked from wine to Broadway musical to snacks, to home, Sacramento- I love you.

Sacramento, I have had a love affair with you for more than 10 years. We have had our ups and downs. I can remember the confusion of one way streets and frustration of expensive parking tickets. I have champagne toasted presidential elections in my memory bank, and my own exchanged matrimonial vows inside your city limits. I have strayed away and come back to you. I can walk down most any street and smile thinking about a moment here and a conversation there. At the capital alone, I have picnicked, protested, strolled, ridden my bike, lit candles, listened to music, ran, and photographed and strolled. On your streets I have experienced first kisses, heart aches, hand holding, belly laughs, and complete solitude. I have had the pleasure of attending soft openings and pre parties, I have said goodbye at final shows, last hurrahs. I have dined, drank, and danced at nearly every dive bar, boutique, coffee house, and music venue. I have witnessed more art- music, paintings, photography, dance, theater, comedy, than I could have ever thought possible. I have also ran a half marathon in your streets,  cheered for baseball players, basketball players, paddle boarded, skim boarded, floated down your river, and ridden my bike over what feels like every inch of you. I have seen the changing of times. The rise of crime, the increasing restrictions (don't get me started on what Second Saturday used to be like...); I have also been witness to the rise of artisans, the relentless belief and passion of entrepreneurs striving to make this city better, all unwilling to have their visions dashed. I have helped to support, to collaborate, to create, to paint, to give to this city. I have learned to be in this space.

 Sacramento, I love you. 

At the same time, I am ready to move on. To create new memories. I am ready for new explorations. I am eager to make new connections and feel that same joy that comes with discovery of new, of different of unique. I am ready to be introduced to people and not know their history, to not know where they went to school, who they dated, what band they are in, or what restaurant they invested in. I want to make a home in a new city- with a fresh outlook. I want to see things for the first time, to meet people and learn their story, their experiences, without any preconceived notions. I am ready for more. 

With a heavy heart I say goodbye to you Sacramento, and I thank you for the love, the smiles, the laughs, the memories. I will always be one of your biggest fans, but the time has come for us to move on. 

With love,

Morgan 

Ps- what is so clear to me is that while Sacramento is pretty with its trees, River, Victorians, bike trails, and such- what really makes it so darn special, are the people who reside in it. I can't quite say goodbye to you yet, so instead I choose to say goodbye to the city. It's just easier that way.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

“Look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.” 

Betty Smith

My happiest day

Yesterday was my happiest day of 2015. It wasn't a Friday, or even a Saturday. It wasn't even a day off. It was a Monday and it was the day after daylight savings. I had a good day work. Not spectacular, we weren't killin it in sales,  but it was good. The connections were real, the conversations authentic, and the commitment to be better was all there. (As someone who never thought she'd be working in retail, and has been working in retail for the last year and a half, that is as good a day as ever for me. I am in my job to connect with people- I am not there to sell stretchy pants. That's beside the point though.)

My other half was fortunate enough to have the day off- something he hasn't had in awhile, and something we haven't had together in a very long while. While texting at lunch I through out the idea of an afternoon ride. Fortunately he jumped on my bait, and plans were set for a ride to Davis after work. I have been itching to be getting longer rides in and with the sun shining and an extra hour- the opportunity was right there. As much as I yawned through my drive home, I knew I needed that bike ride and I couldn't have been more right. Through those 35 miles I absolutely found my happy. 

I hate to admit this... But the truth is- I had lost my happy- not permanently, but for a short while, I was bummed out. Changes (and disappointments) at work, disagreements with loved ones, and an overall feeling of unease and uncertainty had been getting to me. Smiles had been giving way to teary eyes, and I hate that. I want to be happy. I do. It's just sometimes things just happen to make that happy a little harder to find. For example- I know that for me, I need to ride. And damnit I tried. But I had a week where things just were not in my favor. I mean seriously- three separate bike rides- one cut short from a bum crank arm, one from a flat tire, and one from a head over handlebar crash... Are you kidding me? Just give me some damn happy and ease already. 

So on Monday I knew I needed something special. I knew I needed not just to climb back in the saddle, but I needed a long ride. I needed to get out on the road. I needed to feel the familiar burn in my quads and wind on my face. Lucky for me, I have a husband who likes nothing more than to ride by my side. So we decided Davis was our destination. An easy 18 miles out, a quick bite for dinner, and a sweet sunset 18miles back home was on the agenda. It was perfect. It really was. In the most simple way possible, it was perfect. All we did was ride and be. We chatted a bit, but mostly we were just together. Riding and enjoying being outside. It was medicine. Not just for my mood, but for Lucas' as well. I sometimes forget how much my mood impacts more than just me. Because I had lost my happy, so had Lucas. But together, with our legs pedaling, and bugs in our face- we found it again. 

With no lights on our road bikes, our ride was cut short--- I so wanted to hit at least 40 miles, but we decided 35 was enough and headed home. After a quick shower and a snuggle with Bob, we put the road bikes away, and we pulled down the track bikes (equipped with lights) off the wall, and decided to ride more. It just felt so damn good outside. That, and I have been itching to check out Motown on Mondays at one of our favorite midtown spots, LowBrau. I am a sucker for live music- DJ's included. It just lights me up. I even adjusted my vision and goals to reflect how much I enjoy listening to live music. (3+times a month... Psssssh... #crushingit). Motown on Mondays reminded me exactly why I added this element to my V&G's. It makes me feel good. Live music makes most everyone happy. Last night was no different. Almost every single person in the place was bobbin their head, movin their feet, and all the while rockin a huge smile on their face as the tunes played. Luke and I each had two drinks- nothin crazy, but enough to feel special. It was a date. It wasn't planned, it wasn't fancy, but it was us. Sitting side by side. Whispering to each other, smiling, and laughing. Just connecting. Being us. And it was everything I needed. We ended up leaving shortly after 11:00, and were still home in our pj's in bed by midnight. 

I know not everyday is going to be perfect. I know that I need some dark, some disappointments to appreciate the light, the sweet spots. What's wonderful, is that I also know that I am so incredibly fortunate to appreciate the simple things. Monday was definitely simple- a day of work, a bike ride, and a trip to a local bar, and damn that Monday was so sweet.

Lukey enjoying chips and salsa at our dinner spot in Davis.Happy girl in the sunshine. 

Sunday

For the first time since I've started working at lululemon I have Sundays off, and I had completely forgotten how glorious it is. Yesterday with absolutely nothing on the agenda, and a husband that went in to work- I got to have breakfast with dear friends. The best kind of breakfast too, the kind where you are unapologetically still sporting bedhead in your pajamas,  (yet you've already had your first cup of coffee), and the pancakes were perfect silver dollars of deliciousness, and the bacon was just right. Oh man, to live in the same complex as your best friends is really something special. 

Post breakfast I was saying how badly I needed a hobby. I love my job, but sometimes I love it a little too much, and I just need somewhere else to focus my attention. Fortunately, I realized I do have a hobby, one that I can pick up and do anytime. So I switched stretchy pants, added another layer, slipped into my vans, fastened my helmet and out the door on my bike I went. 

It was glorious. Perfect temperature, a little crisp, but plenty of sunshine. I had no destination, but quickly found myself along the river where we had spent all summer- riding bikes, drinking beers, practicing handstands, shooting the breeze and belly laughing. I got off my bike and stared down at the same little sweet spot where we found Bobcat (a significantly smaller, but still as handsome Bob). I looked over my shoulder and saw the grounds where TBDfest took place. I remembered the Ferris wheel rides, the crazy good french fries, dancing to RAC, being in awe over the ballet dancers on stage. Just past that I saw the baseball stadium where we took our dads for Father's Day, also where we went for Lucas' birthday 5 years ago. So many good memories all within eyesight.

I continued on my bike, still no real plan and found myself cruising down riverside by the little place I got my tattoo, by the pizza place we celebrated Valentine's Day, and I rode through LandPark remembering all the runs I had taken through there when I lived above Beatnik. (Ha, that was before I knew about cycling).

 Eventually I found my way back home. At that point I fully intended on surprising Lucas with a pristine apartment. I had already mentally pulled out the rubber gloves, while I was pondering what I was going to have ready and waiting for dinner (not the most common occurrence here).

Well, I should have known better to make a plan, because I received the best text ever saying he was off work. Instead of cooking and cleaning, I ended up spending my afternoon/evening back on the bike. Riding all over town with another girl,  two boys, and a pup in a backpack, I couldn't have been happier.

 

 I still am yet to do a wheelie, or even a track stand, but I have got to be closer than I was before with all the practice I did. Did we end up having the super healthy and cheap homecooked meal that I wanted to make? Nope, not at all. We ate at a greasy/mouthwatering taqueria that happened to be open and it was heavenly. Today I will clean. Tonight I will cook. But from now on Sunday's will be reserved for the good stuff. 

This dorky smile is totally the good stuff for me: 

Choose happy.

Today was not an easy day. There were tears. There was uncertainty, hangry fasting, an iv, an EKG, and a PETscan- not to mention lots of nerve wracking waiting room action. I'll be honest, I felt the bitterness. I felt the anger, the indignation, frustration, and sadness- all driven from fear. But now I feel the gratitude. I feel the love, the happiness, the faith, and hope, the appreciation for the simple things. 

Our day also included a bike ride, red lipstick, cocktails and order of poutine from Ella (because Canada, duh), and at this moment I am in my theater seat waiting on my kind, loving, amazing, partner who is buying us popcorn before we watch Casablanca on the big screen. I can't help but ask, how lucky are we? Clearly, the angst, the frustration has passed. Not permanently, I know, but for now, it is gone. I am truly filled with joy. I know my life is not perfect, but so long as I am able to continually choose love, choose happy, I am grateful. 

 

 

 

 

 

California Spoiled

Perfect daycation for the Coolhands today. We drove over to Oakland, I got to catch up on emails on the way, we stopped for #freecoffeefriday at Bicycle Coffee Co, and took the ferry into the city to see the Keith Haring exhibit at the DeYoung. (Side note, we caught the abbreviated version of the same collection in Paris two ago.) The show was incredible, the museum just gorgeous, and the miles in on our bikes were tough, but so exhilarating. I forgot how freakin hard those hills are to climb, and was exctatic to feel again how worth the work it is when you are flying down them. 

All in all we got about 3 hours of good riding in, 2 hours of thought stirring/conversation starting museum time, two coffee shops, two shared meals, one bike shop, and two beautiful (if not chilly) ferry rides in, lots of kisses, and even more laughs. Now we are snuggled in with Bob and ready to throw on a movie. If only every Friday could be this sweet. Or maybe it can. :)

Delivered by bicycle.

Photo by: Lukehandcool 

 

In line for our first ferry ride.

Lucky kids.

 

Ride time... I am going to be so sore tomorrow. Must ride more.

One of my favorites.

I resisted the urge to mimic.

With the weight of the subject matter it was a nice reprieve to find the love.

From the observation deck.

Gorgeous view of the park. Photo by: Lukehandcool 

 

 Cruising around the park... Market St was a little too crazy for me to be snapping while riding.

Til next time, San Francisco. Photo by: lukehandcool